Why does the dynamic change after being intimate, and how to avoid it at early stages of dating?

There is a lot going through our minds when we start dating. Timing is one example: When is the right time to share and how much? When would it be right to make the next move, how far should I go? Sharing too soon may be perceived as being complicated, having too much baggage, and exposes our vulnerabilities. Waiting too long to express our expectations may cause misunderstandings which can lead to heartache and disappointment.

And things get especially complicated after being intimate.

For a woman:

What goes through a woman’s mind after is a combination of different emotions, or mental blocks such as shame and guilt. A woman feels she has lost control over herselves, her body and for many, it is a scary feeling. Asking herself: Have I broken some ground ruleS, Ones which have to do with my dignity, my worth..?

For a man:

It is very important to understand that after an intimate encounter this emotional part in a woman opens up and it is not something that we can simply control.

When being intimate, there are female nerves and hormones which are being triggered, creating emotional and physical connection. And even though there was mutual consent, and fun, that emotional part triggered through sex, is not something that women purposly want to surface.

What you as a man can do, is be kind and understanding. Whether you would like to meet her again or not, do not ghost her. Send a small and positive message. Could be sweet, funny, naughty. Whatever. JUST DO IT. This will help her with negative emotions she may be having which have nothing to do with you. You have simply “helped” surfacing them. Women are not more complicated. Just more emotional, soft, and tender. Isn’t that what you so love about a woman?

Intimacy is connected to emotions. It is how we women are wired. Don’t try to fix it. Just accept this.

Once you are more empathic about this, you will be able to have more positive experiences as well. And women, be clear and true to yourself. Do not be ashamed to follow your desires, your needs. If you have changed your mind throughout the evening and have decided that although you were thinking of going all the way, you don’t want to – then don’t! And if you said you will just have a drink and a chat but then you want more – then go for it! Go as far as you want to go. Be in control and do not lay any responsibilities or expectations on the man you are going on a date with.

Own your actions! Tell yourself that you are doing something YOU WANT to do. Regardless of what the outcome is. Make this evening about you! And always be true to yourself.

Shame free.

Guilt free.

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